Hello… hello. You cannot say it out loud. We do. We tell you it’s the time of our age, a hormonal roller coaster. We say it out loud because we do not want you to be hurt by our mood changes and physical distress. (Yes, this is us being considerate. Take notes.)
But hey, hello… You can’t say it every time you think we do not behave up to your standards. I have heard many menopausal friends complain that their husbands say, “Oh, it’s your hormones again,” or “Oh, kids, stay away from your mom; she is harmful.” And you think this is supportive! Think again. And even if you joke about it, “Ohhh, I got you chocolate and coffee, as I know what you need now… to keep myself safe, ha ha ha!” No, it is not funny. Do not joke about it. Do not think about it. Do not even breathe when I am in it. (Actually, breathing is allowed. Commenting is not.)
During these rollercoaster emotions I have, give me a hug, but make sure it is a really deep hug without spreading heat out of your body, as I can generate heat from mine now, and it can hurt the ozone layer. (I am basically a climate event at this point.)
During my hormonal changes, bring me comfort food, but make sure it is not too much, as I am fighting uncontrollable weight gain. Also, do not bring too little, as that can be a sign that I need to watch my weight, which is not good for my mental health or your safety. (Yes, there is a correct amount. No, I will not tell you what it is. Figure it out.)
During my mental distress, take me for a walk, but make sure the weather is not hot, not cold, not humid, not cloudy, or dusty. Check the weather first. Make sure you choose the right words and the right walking pace, and keep the distance between our bodies appropriate, as I need to feel your warmth but not your heat. Keep a jacket handy, as I might get cold after the heat attack. (Think of it as a highly advanced mission. Prepare accordingly.)
Be smart. That’s what I’m asking you to do at this stage of my life. Be smart, not too smart, so you don’t shatter my self-confidence. Be smart enough to make good decisions, but don’t make me feel like you’re smart, at least not smarter than me. (This is a delicate balance. I trust you will try… cautiously.)
Is this too much to ask? (Don’t answer that.)
Dana Obeid
