My friend once asked me, “Is bullying legal?” I shrugged and replied, “Well, it’s legal if it’s for your good!” She didn’t buy it, of course, but deep down, she knew—she had no choice.
Real friends must accept the bully in the group. It’s one of the unspoken clauses in the friendship contract. And if you’re thinking, “Wait, what contract?”—who cares? It exists.
You see, real friends bully each other. Otherwise, how would our always late sleeper drag herself to the gym at dawn? Well, it’s 9 a.m.- 9 a.m. is closer to 10:30.
Confession time: As I cruise through the second half of my forties, my motivation to hit the gym has completely evaporated. So now it’s just two of us—one cruising and the other accepting her fate as the gym bullied. I play the role of the victim here, dramatically flopping about like I’m on my deathbed, while our third friend, the bikini-obsessed one, pushes us like we’re training for the Olympics. Why? Because she’s got a wedding this summer and a bikini to fit into. Thank God for the wedding, or none of us would even be pretending to care.
Then there’s our newest recruit—the innocent one. Poor thing saw us laughing one day and thought, “Oh, they seem fun.” Bless her heart. She doesn’t know what she’s signed up for yet, but give it time. Soon enough, she’ll be stuck in our daily cycle of friendly abuse. Ignorance really is bliss—for now.
It’s worth noting the kind of workout we’ve settled on because if there’s one thing we’ve consistently agreed on in recent years, it’s the art of taking it easy on our bodies. Our workout routine consists of 30 minutes of strength and conditioning, followed by 20 minutes of wall Pilates. And, if we’re really feeling motivated—or, let’s be honest, guilt-tripped by each other’s relentless bullying—we’ll even hit the treadmill afterward. We affectionately (and perhaps a bit ironically) call these sessions “Heathering” and “Racheling,” in honor of Heather Robertson and Rachel from Wall Fit.
Now, it’s a great workout for our bodies—but the million-dollar question is: Is it enough? Or are we just one coffee and a motivational quote away from calling it a day?
Gym time is a special kind of torture—it’s where you hate the friends you secretly adore. They’re amazing, really. Always showing up, always cheering you on… and always going nowhere.
Dana Obeid
Then there’s our newest recruit—the innocent one. Poor thing saw us laughing one day and thought, “Oh, they seem fun.” Bless her heart. She doesn’t know what she’s signed up for yet, but give it time. Soon enough, she’ll be stuck in our daily cycle of friendly abuse. Ignorance really is bliss—for now. 😎😎😎