Today, I shattered my record. I zoomed through excitement, loneliness, calm, sadness, anxiety, and anger in under a minute. It was a complete emotional marathon, and I have to admit, it was my best performance yet. I’m even a little proud. Unfortunately, my heart disagrees—this emotional roller coaster has officially worn out the tracks. It’s not enough to simply read about perimenopause symptoms; once they hit, they hijack your entire existence.
Emotions come and go as abruptly as a bouncy ball, and every cell in my body is forced to serve. I always convince myself I look normal during these episodes, but judging by the wondering looks on my family’s faces, I know I’m fooling no one. “What’s wrong, Mom?” they ask cautiously. “Nothing, sweetheart, why?” I respond, trying to sound like I’m not about to snap. They don’t say it, but their eyes scream, “Because you look crazy.”
Oh, I look crazy, alright. I’m taking this show on the road, not just at home. Grocery stores, for example, are the prime venue for my emotional outbursts. People smile at me, not because I look approachable, but because they’re trying to figure out what, in the world, is going on behind my twitching, thought-vomiting face. My brain can’t longer hold it, so my face has decided to spill the beans.
Poor brain. It’s been fighting emotional wildfires for years now, and if brains had a choice, mine would’ve ghosted me long ago. But here we are—me and my overworked, underappreciated brain—strolling the aisles, fighting between the determined housewife who decided to prepare a nutritious meal while the dramatic victim screamed for attention.
Look, emotions are okay—great, even. But this endless buffet of contradictory emotions? Toxic. Focus, my dear self. It’s just a few more years until you can retire from this emotional circus. Who knows what’s next, though. Menopause? At this point, I wouldn’t be surprised if it came with its drama.
Dana Obeid
